


Mindful Education

by argle-bargle (RedGayBlueGay)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (hint: it's connie), Connie Curses, Connie-centric, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, GOD THIS IS SOFT AND ANGSTY, Gen, Light Angst, Most of the Characters are mentioned tbh, Oh wait, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Pre-Steven Universe/Connie Maheswaran, a lot of this is headcanons tbh, again its before they're Offical, and thats on periodt, anyway enjoy!, because i like to project on my favorite characters, but a littol one, but kinda romantic, connie has anxiety, connie is Soft for Steven and it really shows tbh, did i cry while writing this? no but i did tear up, even though it's not as Bad as steven's, featuring: mental breakdowns in the bathroom!, i don't care, i mean we All Know steven was nakey at the end of the episode so, i use tags to ramble and that's It, i'm tagging too much im S O sorry, i'm very surprised that's NOT a tag asdfghjk, it's before they officially are together, it's not explicit but it's mentioned that he Has No Clothes, its Connie's POV, just a blanket, kind of, let connie say fuck 2k20 tbh, light nudity, like twice but, oh!, she also has a therapist because i Said So, she has trauma too, she needs it, she still went through some shit, take a shot everytime i say tbh LMAO, the title has been overdone but, this fic really shows who my favorite character is, uh...nudity?? i guess??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedGayBlueGay/pseuds/argle-bargle
Summary: A look into Connie's thoughts, post-I Am My Monster.Featuring: Breakdowns in the bathroom, tea, and cuddles (kind of).
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Everyone, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Mindful Education

**Author's Note:**

> i have not one, but TWO soft fics (including this one) so look out for those!! i'm currently working on my requests so,,, asdfghjkl
> 
> i ALSO have a fic idea but i SUCK at completing them because i only know like. certain scenes i want to write and i H A T E writing everything in between 
> 
> this was a request from tumblr!!
> 
> anyway!  
> potential(?) trigger warnings for this include a slight mental breakdown, implied nudity(?)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: this DOES contain some dialogue from the show. I DO NOT OWN IT. the dialogue belongs to Rebecca Sugar and the Crewniverse. the dialogue in question is in italics. it's Steven's ramble before he get's "corrupted".
> 
> with that being said, hope you enjoy!!

Steven slumps against Lion, tears long dried. Now he’s just exhausted. Weary. A hand gently rests on his head. “It’s okay, Biscuit. We’ve got you. You can go to sleep now,” her voice is so soft, so full of tenderness and warmth and _love_ that Steven can’t help but abide by her words. Lion’s soft purrs, along with Connie’s gentle hand running through his hair make him drift to sleep. 

Everyone is quiet, just...watching Steven sleep. Pearl gets memories of watching a baby Steven sleep, fueled by images of him completely still and not breathing appearing in her mind. 

She stares at Steven cradled in Garnet’s arms, blanket curled around him. He looks...small. He doesn’t look like the teenager who is a year and a half older than her. He doesn't look like the teenager who has stared death in the face and made them his friend. He looks like a _child._ A terrified, lonely, _sad_ kid cradled in the arms of their guardian after a nightmare. She brushes away the tears that threaten to spill, swallows the sobs that want to erupt, and sighs. Connie rises to her feet, body begging for her to relax. Emotions are...exhausting. She sends Garnet a weary smile, and murmurs, “He needs a bed.”

At Connie’s gentle command, the Cluster lowers their hand to the beach, allowing the gems and humans to climb to the sand below. Connie is the last person to slide off the giant hand, though she truly wants to be the first. She turns to the cluster, biting back tears. “Thanks,” she says, voice soft, “For everything.” She holds up her hand, clenched in a fist. The Cluster lightly taps her fist with their knuckle, before retreating into the ocean. Connie turns and darts after Garnet, not giving a damn about her trembling hands. She catches up to the fusion, and slows to her speed. 

Everyone is quiet. It’s...eerie. She can’t find herself caring too much, only focused on Steven and Steven only. Everything else can come after. 

When they enter the beach house, Connie can’t help but stare at _the_ spot. Sunlight pours in through the hole in the ceiling, creating a halo effect. The rest of the house is dark. Rubble is scattered on the ground. She can still see Steven, towering over her, assuring them that everything was fine. “ _You’re making a big deal out of nothing!_ ” he had exclaimed, eyes laced with barely-concealed panic. “ _Have I done some things wrong? Sure! I trashed the house, I-I broke an anvil–_ ” he had scoffed, shrugging, “ _What teenager hasn't? Dad and I had a_ little _disagreement–that’s practically a rite of passage! I mean it would be weird if we_ didn’t _, right?_ ” He had continued with revealing that he’d had a “ _not-so-nice thought or two about like, y’know, slamming White Diamond’s head through a pillar, but it’s not like I actually went through with it!_ ” 

Connie saw through his lies the moment he said he shattered Jasper. Nothing was okay. _Steven_ wasn’t okay. He had tried to tell them, rambling like a mad man, that he could fix everything before anybody even _knew_ of his mistakes. Before her mind could spiral further, the soft click of a door closing breaks her from her thoughts. She turns to Garnet, now descending the stairs. 

“Steven is asleep,” the fusion says, voice soft and smooth. 

“Connie? You alright?” Pearl asks.

“Yeah, why?” Connie’s voice is thick. She nearly jerks back in surprise at her own voice. She swallows. 

“You’re crying.”

Connie touches a hand to her cheek, feeling a wetness that wasn’t there before. She pulls her hand away, the tip of her middle finger glistening with tears. She feels oddly detached. “I’m…” she trails off, before turning and walking to the bathroom. The moment she closes the door, she sinks to her butt, drawing her knees to her chest. Tears continue to stream down her cheeks, barely stifled sobs shaking her chest. “God,” she manages to say, voice cracking, “Biscuit, what the _fuck?_ ” The emotions she unconsciously pushed down were returning full force. Her anguish at seeing Steven hurting, her shock at the fact that her best friend–who is usually a _pacifist_ –had _shattered_ somebody, her terror at watching him corrupt _himself_ , her anger at the gems for making it about _themselves_ , the sorrow of standing on her friend’s snout, wanting to help him in ways she couldn’t, the anger at _herself_ for not pushing Steven to talk to her, for focusing on her own studies instead of being _there_ for someone who had been there through _everything_ with her. 

She wants to punch something, to scream. However, she just...cries. She cries like the terrified kid she was facing her first gem monster. Connie cries until there are no more tears, until she’s left feeling drained, but lighter. She rises to her feet on trembling legs, walks to the sink, and stares at her reflection. Light bags hang under her puffy eyes, cheeks flushed red from her tears. Her button up is wrinkled, nowhere as neat as it was when she arrived at Steven’s home, all those hours(? Days?) ago. She sighs, turning on the faucet, and splashes the tears from her face. She wipes away any remnants of her mini-breakdown, wanting to at least _seem_ like she’s put together. _Save that for my next appointment_ , she silently notes. Connie grabs a towel, and wipes her face off. If she keeps her face buried in the towel for longer than considered normal, that’s her business. 

(It smelled like Steven. Strawberries, saltwater, and safety. Does safety have a scent? She doesn’t really care about the answer. Steven smells like home to Connie. Not her actual home, but a different home. One where she knew everything would be okay, one that she felt completely at peace, one where she was complete. Her companionship (which may be bordering on romantic) with Steven was home to her.)

When Connie emerges from the bathroom, she feels less out-of-body, less like her strings were about to snap, less _constrained_. The Gems are gathered in the living room, pointedly not looking at the hole in the ceiling. The only ones missing are Greg, the Diamonds, and Spinel. She looks to her mentor, hoping her face doesn’t look like she just finished crying. “Where’s Mr. Universe?” Her voice is soft, but thick and crackling from lack of use. 

“He’s dressing Steven,” Pearl informs, voice catching on Steven’s name. Connie nods, glancing to the kitchen. Her hands need to hold something. As in a hot cup of tea. She clenches them into fists, trying to keep them from trembling. It fails, but she feels better at the feeling of her nails biting into her palms, grounding her.

“The Diamonds?” Connie asks, “Spinel? Where did they go?”

“Back to Homeworld.”

“Ah.” Connie starts walking to the kitchen. 

“Did you know?” Amethyst’s words make her pause. Connie inhales slowly. 

“There were plenty of signs,” Connie replies, keeping her voice steady. “But I didn’t know the full extent.”

“Signs?” prompts Bismuth. 

Connie sighs, before nodding. Keeping her eyes off the gems occupying the living room, she continues her journey to the kitchen. She turns on the stove, fills a kettle with water, and places it onto the burner. She grabs a mug, regarding the frog character painted on it, and places it on the counter. The human then grabs a tea bag. Earl gray. 

“What kind of signs?” Lapis pipes up, voice uncharacteristically soft. 

Connie simply holds up a finger. _Wait._ The following silence is full of tension. Greg interrupts it by letting them know Steven is clothed and still asleep in his bed. Connie replies with a soft “Thank you, Mr. Universe,” before grabbing the kettle, pouring the water into the mug, and turning the stove off. She waits for the tea to steep before adding a bit of sugar and a splash of creamer. When the tea is cool enough to drink, she takes a long sip. 

“Steven has never been very open with his struggles,” Connie begins, eyes focused on the tea. “It’s who he is. He’s a helper. He gives his all to make sure everybody around him is happy, barely giving a damn about his own feelings.” She sends Pearl a flat look before she can be reprimanded for her language. “I’m not going to talk about his traumas he _has_ shared with me, because it’s a breach of his privacy and I’m _not_ breaking his trust in me. Just know it’s some _heavy shit._ He needs help. He’s not going to admit it easily, because Steven believes that your needs come before his. That his feelings don’t matter. When there’s nobody to help, what is a helper supposed to do?” 

She waits for her words to sink in. She turns her gaze to Greg. “I’ve been seeing a counselor for a few years. For both my anxiety and my personal traumas. Steven needs that. He needs somebody who _isn’t_ family to talk about his problems. If he wants to, of course. I’m not here to make any decisions, I’m here as his knight, as his best friend. I’m not here as a professional.” 

She turns back to her tea, finishing it. She places the mug into the sink, making a silent promise to clean it later. “You lot can talk, I’m gonna sit with Steven.” With that, Connie makes her way to Steven’s room. Just before she steps on the first stair, Greg’s hand falls on her shoulder. 

“Thank you, Connie. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, but I’m glad Steven has a friend like you.”

Connie simply smiles. “I’m glad I met Steven,” she replies, turning back to the stairs. She climbs them with practiced ease, not listening as the Gems start to quietly talk. She opens the door gently, expecting to see Steven sleeping. Instead, he’s sitting up, knees drawn to his chest, blanket circling his shoulders. He glances at Connie when she enters, visibly brightening ever-so-slightly. 

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” he says. 

“Can I?” She gestures to a spot beside him. 

Steven holds out one of his arms, opening the blanket to her. Connie settles down beside him, her left hand taking the offered end of the blanket and wrapping it around her own shoulder. Her right hand finds his. 

“You okay?” he asks. 

“Are _you_?” she replies.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”

“That’s okay.” 

Silence returns between them. Steven leans against Connie, and she, in turn, leans against him. He squeezes her hand, she squeezes his. 

Not much is okay right now. 

“Love you, Strawberry.”

“Love you too, Biscuit.”

But as long as they have each other, it will be.

**Author's Note:**

> when i was writing the fluffy parts my heart went "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AASDJKBHGRTNHBFDCBDSND S O F T" 
> 
> this was a request from my [tumblr!!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/argle-bargles) drop by and give me some ideas!! it can be for just su or the summer job au!! 
> 
> until next time!!


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